WHAT are the Chances???

When my roommate came in on friday she siad, "I left more at the dump than I intended." It seems our black cat thought napping amidst the trash under the tarp would be a good thing. My roommate saw the cat when removing the tarp and put him in the truck cab with the wing windows open while she unloaded. She didn't see the cat when she got in but thought he was under the tarps. But when she started the engine, the cat streaked across in front of the truck. Despite her attempts at locating him, no cat.

I came into the story a couple of hours later. I couldn't believe she had left the cat there, though it is a headstrong cat even when it is not freaked out. I set off with the animal carrier and some cat food to the dump. What are the chances of finding him? Luckily it was not a busy day at that portion of our county dump. The dump officials let me look and eventually I heard Onyx's pitiful meow. He was under the giant dumster and I was able to rescue him. Thank goodness he wasn't in it.

In the meantime, the truck was refilled and ready for another dump run. My roommate calls and says to make sure there are no cats in the truck and since I had just had the truck bed covered, I thought she was playing with me. So my helper and I arrive at the dump, remove the tarp and begin unloading and would you believe... I wouldn't. There was our white cat caught in a roll of fencing wire we had removed from the farm. We hadn't seen that cat in 48 hours but that happens sometimes. I never expected she would be on the truck! This cat was caught tight and had to wait while we unloaded the truck to get to the fencing to find a way to disentangle her. She was in shock and not a happy camper! This time we knew to watch while getting back into the truck and she was poised for an escape.

What are the chances of 2 different cats doing the same weird thing? What if I hadn't wanted to go unload the trunk today in between the bouts of rain. Gypsy is fine now, thanks to some TLC and homeopathy to decrease the shock, but I doubt she would have lived another day caught in the truckbed as she was.

What compelled me to go back to the dump in search of Onyx? What compelled me to do a dump run on a rainy day. I had no conscious awareness of being guided but I count both these events as miracles and as evidence of why I love my life so much.

How many more things fall into place like this that we don't even notice because it is so seamless?

The power of a casual remark

A couple of weeks ago, there was some manual labor that needed doing on the farm that I frankly didn't want to be doing but was. I was ready to blurt out some complaint like "I make so much an hour, why am I doing this job I could pay someone else to do." I aborted the sentence because I don't promote myself and therefore have available time for more clients. Therefore, if money is tight, stop whining and do the manual labor.

I had pretty strong feelings about this point but corralled my tongue. Then a most curious event happened. The next day someone asked us if we had any work that the son of a friend could do around the farm. Ha! Someone to do my manual labor. It was a win-win situation. He is strong, willing, courteous and learns very fast. My aborted comment set a chain of events into motion that delights me.

I made a list of jobs around the farm...anything that has ever bugged me, unfinished projects, all the things that weighed on me to get done but would take me years to do since I was not inclined to do them. And now, that list is nearly done. I am already seeing other things that can be upgraded.

I learned that I don't have to do it all myself. I knew having action taken on these things would create a momentum that would not only affect my joy and gtatitude but also my business. Sure enough, new clients appeared by word of mouth within days and the refferals continue to multiply.

Now I am inspired to make changes inside the house that reflect how I am feeling about the outside. Even while I was feeling stuck about goal setting, I was still finding ways in which I totally love my life that I didn't expect. I doubt that I would have set about finding such a helper, but the Universe read the energy of my heart and set things in motion. When the opportunity presented itself, I leaped.
This is a fun way to live.

One, not two

When last I wrote, I was jazzed to lose weight. It is a S.M.A.R.T. goal. Specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timed. And it stopped me cold in the sense that as soon as I start focusing my energy on this specific goal, I lost focus on my "Why I love my Life so much" project.

The mental debate is intense. On one hand, I have oodles of info on how to accomplish weight loss, identified my "whys", and know I have accomplished what I really wanted in the past. The reality is my self critical aspect rules in that I "should" be doing something else or doing better. I am future focused instead living in the moment. I am divided between this goal and others, like making money.

On the other hand, God is One. I have been reweaving my life into a unitary fabric that has variations in color and pattern. ASking my question feels like I am on a perpetual easter egg hunt, vigilent for the trail of energy towards my next joyous discovery wherein I rejoice in wonder and awe. I feel I have fallen yet again for the hype of the marketplace that tells me what is good for me and convinces me I want something that will later be taken for granted. I am chasing the carrot dangling from the stick that is always just a little out of my reach.

Somewhere in here, it seems that I "should" be able to do both, stay in the joy of the moment and reach towards S.M.A.R.T. goals. Right now, it is one or the other. In one sense, using why I love my life so much as a theme allows my day to day discoveries to arise anywhere in my life while I am still holding my end result of loving my life as the guiding goal or intent, but the script is short on pre-conceived notions and prescribed behavior.

I still think I would prefer being more trim and fit. I'm open to inspired action arising in this arena. I think I will focus my attention on the miracle of my body and life when I exercise instead of the shape I am hoping for. I may well land in the same place as if I persued that goal in particular. For now I am back to my focus of why I love my life so much hoping that I am not selling out my goal to stay in a comfort zone.

If I were scoring, I would need to count my joy at the end of each day. If I stay present and vigilent to the energies about me in the moment my question gets a point. If I feel I wasted the day and have nothing to show for it in aliveness, then maybe I should go back to SMART goals.

The Color of my Question.

When I speak with someone about the theme question "Why do I love my life so much?", the initial response I get is a list of things for which someone is grateful. I have a question, they have a quick but often superficial response.

I explain I am not looking for an immediate answer but am posing the question as a frame of reference. It's like putting on a pair of colored sun glasses that changes the color pallet of what you see. One time I actually took colored Gels and made inserts for my glasses. I spent the whole day looking through red lenses, another day looking through green and another blue. It not only tinted my view but some colored gels actually reduced everything to shades of greys. My depth perception varied. Different aspects of things drew my attention because I was seeing with modified perception.

Viewing the world through the question of why I love my life so much also draws my attention to different things. I see things I didn't notice before because some part of me is alert and looking for an answer. I may well have forgotten the question by then but some part of me is still looking for an answer.

I don't think that it is so unusual to use a question as a frame of reference, though it may be unusal to pick the question purposefully like when I placed colored gels in my glasses for the experiment of it. More typical questions might be, "Why am I so tired?", "Why am I lonely"?. or "Where does all the money go"?

What question is coloring your view of reality? How would a different question see the same sequence of events? Or would there even be the same sequence of events? Might the question change the present? The Future? Maybe even the past?

Spilling over!

No, it is not my sink. It is still draining. The llamas, however are still practicing to be escape artists!

What has spilled over into my life is the joy of setting a goal, focusing all my attention on accomplishing it and doing so. I had "worked" on the sink a few times. My efforts were half hearted. Two days ago, I determined to make that drain run or call a plumber. I was going to give it my best shot. I did that. And got the tulips planted as well. It was exhilarating!

So far I have used my question of why I love my life so much to observe and allow the flow of life. I am thinking there is also a place for determined focus and effort as I used in clearing the drain.

Therefore I am setting a 5 week focused goal to tone myself to be able to wear size 14 clothing. As of today I wear size 16w. Last year I lost and maintained the loss of 20# and dropped 2 clothing sizes. These 5 weeks I am using the same stategy that I used for clearing my drain. I am giving it everything I've got for 5 weeks.

I have ways to measure progress in place: Baseline weight and measurements. I have a nutritional plan in place and have chosen my conditioning plan. I am implementing my self image plan. I will report back in 5 weeks. I am officially 'in training' now and set myself accountable before you, my readers. Here's to a dose of wholehearted, consistent effort with a specific target by a set date!

The Sweet Sound of Gurggling

Sometimes I am so moved that I burst into spontaneous song with made up lyrics. They are not fit for publication and my roommate is amused, but today was one of those days.

The kitchen sink has been stopped up for more weeks than I care to admit. Yes, weeks. For a time I hoped the drain pipe had frozen during the extreme cold we had a while back. Nothing worked. We even resorted to chemicals. Then a plumber's son told me grease + lye = soap. Besides that, after the lye didn't work then how do I dilute the contents that are standing in the pipe in order to get in and fix it? Anyway, we had the trip to visit my folks so there was time for it to "thaw".

Water was standing in the drain when I left, it had drained out of the sink but I had no idea how much had drained and what would happen if I added water. I finally became brave. At 2 quarts we had back up again. Long story short....we now have a gurggling, draining kitchen sink. I am the plunger queen! It is defintely worth singing about. And Melanie patched the fence to keep the LLamas contained...we hope. And I got the tulips planted.

There is such joy in getting things handled that have been slowly sucking my energy.
I did get the number of a plumber at the store, just in case my determination wasn't enough. But in the end, I did it myself! I am realizing part of playing further out from the 50 yard line is allowing myself to crow (or sing) about my accomplishments. I don't care is anyone is listening. My inner critic hears me joyous.

So, why do I love my life so much? Because I can open clogged drains, corral runawy llamas, and replant the tulips that the puppies dug up and still sing about it. At least I am singing when I get it handled; never mind what I was feeling about it before then. But then the playing field goes both directions from the 50 yeard line.

A Million Stairs

Today we visited some friends on Whidbey Island. They had access to the beach but I didn't realize it was a million stair steps down to the ocean. Yes it was, I counted. Well I didn't really count but there might even have been millions. The last 15 feet of height we had to scramble down the cliff using root holds and a rikety ladder that sank when I put my weight on it. Down was one thing, up was another. I could benefit from doing squats regularly.

As we walked along the beach and talked I scanned the stones, looking for just the right ones to use in making my "I Love my Life Activity Kits". I didn't choose many since I was aware of the climb back up, but I found some beauties, just the perfect energy and size.

I suggested that my mountain goat friend go ahead and dash up the stairs, mostly so I wouldn't be too embarrassed by my lack of conditioning. I took time to sit and look out upon the mountain rimmed ocean. I observed the various types of moss. I noticed the young thistle plants that still had dew on their hairy, thistle-ly leaves. I took photos in my mind since I wasn't willing to carry a camera down and up those stairs.

I did it. I enjoyed it. My heartrate eventually calmed back down. I thought about another friend who just climbed 94 flights of stairs in 19 minutes. I am not sure I want to pay the price of training to do that but I am enjoying improving my fitness. I want to keep my options open. I am enjoying this spacesuit I call my body. Motion equals life.

There's No PLace Like Home...

I am writing from Seattle at the end of my family reunion. It is so clear to me that I come from awesome stock. I am so proud of my siblings, each one in their own way has faced obstacles and grown a lot. My parents must have done something right!

We figure it has been 11 years since we were all together at the same time. Yet we picked up right where we left off somehow. I don't know that I would have taken my sister's idea for a family reunion and set it in motion, or even that I would have been willing to come to Seattle twice in one month, prior to my beginning the "Why do I love my life so much" campaign.

Allowing relationships to be more important than getting things done on my "list" makes my life richer than money ever could. Someone pointed out to me that I am arriving at themes people usually come to at the end of their life, when they look back at what it all meant. What a blessing to find what has meaning now, while I still have time to cultivate even more richness.

I also watched my nieces and nephews with their children. Not having had children of my own, I haven't thought about all the little ways parents give support and love their kids. Surely my mom was there for me in these same little ways, applauding my accomplishments and my efforts, kissing my boo-boos, and keeping me safe. I am beginning to replay what I saw this weekend with my parents raising me. It was the little things like how they got the kids ready for bed, coaxed them to put their coats on, or stood by while they climbed up to get darts onto the board. I have taken many things for granted, but my parents didn't or I wouldn't have the life skills I have today.

How have I been loved in ways I never knew? How many people do I have the thank?
Why do I love my life so much? Thank you for this sigh of contentment.