Problem Solved!

One task I set for myself this summer was to find a way to do my gourd work using a colorfast medium that gave me the same effects as my leather dyes did. And today I am proud to announce, mission accomplished! I have journeyed now through 7 different product lines. All claim to be colorfast or at least resistant to fading. Some have interesting properties, but they didn't run and merge like the dyes. I even tried mixing the various products with different solvents to push them where I wanted to go.

Yesterday, I found the perfect alcohol based ink that is mare for nonporous surfaces. Sounds like it was made for gourds to me though I have not seen it mentioned to date.
And it works well with my existing resist for my batik style of painting. Hurrah!

I am already testing the interactions of this product line with the other products I have tries to keep my palette as colorful, rich and subtle as possible. Besides that, I can affiliate with a company that sells these products. I don't have to sell them myself.

It feels awesome to set a challenge before myself and persist through to completion. I discovered so many interesting techniques and products along the way. Sometimes it was fun to explore the alleys and byways of crafting I will probably never do. But I might find a way to apply the concept to gourds or glass or something else fun on the horizon.

The search has been as much fun as the eureka moment. Now I have the full line of colors on order and can hardly wait for their arrival. Simple joys are at hand.
The more I savor the question, the more I discover "Why do I love my life so much"?

Take III

I am standing in the way of standing in "my way". Hang in her with me. If you have followed my posts from the beginning you are probably wondering at my participation in Power Month in which I report on progress towards my goals everyday. You know how I resist goals in favor of moving in an inspired direction.

Over the course of time 2 threads did emerge in my life that I decided to add intensity to. One was getting my blog out there and the other was developing my gourd work. They arose organically out of loving my life, sit still and do nothing time, and gamzu, thinking this too is for the best. This is "my way". I have become the obstacle to that way.

I felt inspired to join power month. I didn't need to set steps and report on whether I did them or not. All I needed to do was report my progress in my direction and support others. Where along the line did it become about making money on the Internet? Yes, I do want income streams from my work but that was not the core intention. My core intention was about putting myself out there in the world, risking sharing myself with others and if money came as a result of that then great.

A couple of days ago I got a taste of making money from the Internet from the sale of the graphics program. (Which I still love and you can check it out at http://quickwebcreations.com/?e=lifeofhoney). It was exhilarating. My efforts became about making money instead of sharing my gifts. I started exploring affiliate marketing in the proven way instead of sitting still and nothing nothing in my inspired way. So I came to stand in my way in the obstacle sense to my inspired way of doing things.

As my homeopath Doug told me today, I am the most uniquely individual person he knows. I am charting a course to do it "my way". It won't be the proven way that others have developed and are promoting to be successful on the Internet. I don't think it is re-inventing the wheel either. There are many who have lived a rich life by loving it and acting from inspiration based on silence, knowing that the outcome is always for the best. Maybe this is being in the world but not of it.

From this I am remembering how important it is to tell myself the truth. My private practice is lighter than usual right now. This is not about scarcity. This is about parting the waters of my routine to allow creativity to take point for a time. I don't have trouble supporting myself.

I was inspired to do power month. I still am. But I have to do it "my way". This little detour has been enlightening. Maybe that is what the journey is really all about. I see the door to loving my life so much opening for me again. Thank you. I love you.

Standing in my Own Way, Take 2

OK, last post I was standing in my own way, running tackle against myself. I just had a conversation with my homeopath and used the sentence "I am standing in my own way". I meant that I was getting in my own way. He heard it as "Standing in My Way", as in the song "I did it my way". It wasn't a value judgment as both can be true at once. As he said, he doesn't know anyone as "individual" as me. I do have my own way. On the other hand, that very "own way" of mine may also be part of a mechanism that avoids success to the degree that I am capable and wanting.

The conversation that prompted the post about running tackle against myself was based on the idea of using proven techniques that work instead of re-inventing the wheel. And could see the wisdom but balked at the proven technique because it was out of phase with my self image or at least out of my comfort zone.

So if I stand in my own way, do it my way, it has value only if it is grounded in firm principles. If doing it my way is a matter of hesitation to leave my comfort zone then I deserve the lackluster results that I get. Maybe this is part of becoming a warrior. A wannabe warrior does have to submit to the training of the master. There is a breaking down process before the building up process. I get to unlearn my habits that now feel "so me" that don't serve me to master the tools and techniques that do serve me.

Short of joining the military or a monastery there are few avenues that break us down and build us up is a systematic way. Maybe life does that in the sense that we move about until we magnetize circumstances that make us uncomfortable enough or excite us enough to seek a different way. I'm not yet in a place to pull my reflections together into a tidy bundle. Letting it unfold may be the way to love my life.

On a lighter note, I have a new Internet "toy" that makes headline graphics way fast, way cool, way colorful. Here is the link: http://quickwebcreations.com/?e=lifeofhoney
Check it out.

Running Tackle Against Myself

The image I have of myself is standing right smack dab in front of where I think I want to go. The confrontation makes my head swim, my heart race and my palms sweat. Even my eyes don't want to focus. Sigh. Big sigh.

It is a show down between me and myself or maybe between a past me and a potential future me. I am sad to say that I often let the old me win. Sigh and huff. It wins when I choose to adjust my eating habits and then emotional cravings show up and I'm off following those. It wins when I think about expanding my business but don't see myself as a marketer or even a people person and so I don't try. It wins when I stay with the known and comfortable instead of trying something new.

To be fair there are arenas in which I do go for it. There are also arenas in which I pretend to go for it but don't really do those things that would make a real difference. I even fool myself into believing that I am going for it but I am not crossing into the territory of real change. In hind sight I have caught myself playing it safe too many times to be comfortable with that choice any longer.

So now I am in the midst of a stare down. I am trying to figure a way out around myself while the enemy is not only listening to my game plan but sabotaging it as well. I suspect I am thinking about this far too much. Oh sigh. Time to pull out my Ho'oponopono cleaning and keep my brain busy saying, "I love you", "Thank you".

In the morning I will get someone to help walk me forward. Hopefully I'll find the giant I see in front of me tonight is nothing more than a puff of smoke.

All I have to do is take one step and then another. I'll be watching the journey and report. Sigh, breathe, sigh, breathe.

Up to my Elbows

Have you ever had that sinking feeling that something is amiss. Yesterday I turned on the faucet and the water pressure was severely compromised. I checked the outdoor hose just in case. It was turned off, no problem. I had someone working in my garden to put it to bed for the winter and called out to see if he was running water. No. But he walked over to the faucet and said I had better come look. Sure enough, there was water pooling up around the garden faucet and running off.

I live on a farm. Things get jury rigged here all the time. I was living here when the water was installed from the house to the barn with a side spout to the garden. I remember discussing putting the cut off where we could get at it but no one seems to know where that is. It is certainly buried anyway. We couldn't get the water turned off at the road because it needed a special tool. The water company had an answering machine on. I could hear the water running and the meter was spinning.

I finally called city hall. One benefit of rural living is that I could just call city hall. They sent someone out to turn the water off. And this is all happening on a Friday afternoon. So Travis and I started digging. As we dug, the dirt walls began leaking. Well, not leaking exactly, more like pouring water in through a gopher hole. I plugged it up, smoothed the walls of the hole with clay and bailed and bailed and bailed. The water found more places to seep than I could stop. Travis was digging diversionary holes and channels to lure the water away but it didn't help. None of the neighbors were home to see if they had a sump pump. I was in the mud and water way up past my elbows and no running water in the house.

In the end, we had to let nature take its course and call it a day. I have lived where I had to bring in potable water before so this is no problem. AT least I didn't realize at the momnet how spoiled I have become. I had put water in the bathtub for washing and flushing the toilet. Unfortunately it all seeped down the drain. Sigh.

Times like these can try my philosophical view of life. Is the universe friendly? Am I being thwarted? What lesson am I needing to learn from this event? Actually, once I got the water turned off, I was very calm and didn't consider the meaning of it all. There was little water so conserve and be patient. I tried not to cook so as not to dirty dishes. I had filled a couple of gallon jugs for washing.

By this morning nature had taken its course and the standing water had moved along. We dug the mud out, cut off the broken PVC pipe and my neighbor had an end cap that would work to cap it off. Just a minute ago I left my computer to help turn the water back on very slowly. Our repair held! I have turned the hot water heater back on and scrapped the inch of clay from the bottom of my shoes.

Ahhh, the pleasures of running water. There are so many conveniences of modern life that I take for granted. As I look around me there is nothing that would not have been considered a miracle somewhere in time. Even my paintbrushes, there was a time I would have had to chew just the right twig to get a semblance of a brush. How times have changed. Even saying "What a deal", when I purchase things does not bring to mind the magnitude of miracles we now call conveniences or even necessities that I take for granted everyday.

Soon it will be the miracle of a nice hot shower with soap and towels and clean clothes. Life itself is a miracle. What we have discovered, invented and mass produced to add to our comfort of living is astounding. Every where I look I see answers to the question, "Why do I love my life so much"?

PS Now that is it fixed, I received a phone call from another neighbor up the road.
"Word is all over the county that you are having water problems". That thought freaked me the most. It might have been a good April Fool's joke. As it turns out, his wife was having coffee with Travis' mom. The universe is now only friendly, but laughing. So am I.

The Day of Didn'ts

Each day is remarkable for something unique. Today is important for what I didn't do instead of what I did do. I had before me a wide open day and a to do list. I was making great progress and then, lurking behind the bushes of my mind, I saw a way to use up the whole day. I saw a way to avoid doing some uncomfortable tasks. The plan was simple. Drive to Nashville to buy a certain kind of permanant watercolor to try on my gourds. Reasonable enough and working towards my plan but not what would really propell me forward.

Want to do is not always best to do. Let's see. Gas is now over $3 a gallon, it will take 5 hours and I won't feel like being productive when I get back. If I calculate the value of my time, that is a very expensive bottle of watercolor. I didn't go to Nashville. I did order it and other inks online to be delivered.

My other big didn't still has me quivering and trembling. I didn't jump at the chance to take on another Occupational Therapy job. I have had financial concerns of late because my PRN, as needed, positions have not been needing much lately. But my consuming habits have not backed off to match my income. The new job would solve my financial concerns and probably kill my dreams. I wouldn't have time to do both.
I said no, not now. I left myself a little hungry and committed to my 30 day PowerMonth Challenge during which I intend to develop my gourd business.

So I did not escape and I did not sell out my dreams. To me it is a sign of growth and evidence of why I love my life so much.

Someone Believes in Me

There are a few rare occasions when I get it in the moment that someone believes in me. In hindsight I can find many more examples that people did. But what I am speaking of are the times when I allow myself to "Grok" it in the moment. I know I date myself here. read "Stranger in a Strange Land" to grok it.

The first time I remember was my freshman math teacher asking to see my report card. Something in that told me she cared and thought I had potential. It was strong enough to think I might want to major in math which was a good idea until I got to college calculus.

In the second instance I was an high school junior going through the food service line when another student asked me if I wanted to help decorate for a dance. Out of the blue! I was shocked. I did and stayed for a meeting of Junior Statesman and began public speaking of a sort. I also met my first boyfriend in that group. My life changed because someone reached out to me. I came down from my ivory tower and participated.

Fast forward to this week. I signed up for "PowerMonth" with Sterling Valentine. Everyone set goals and made the agreement to work on their project everyday and post what was done every day and to provide feedback to others. I am developing my gourd business and also seeking feedback on ways to reach out with this blog. Some people actually took the time to read my blog and comment on my writing. My insides flipped and jumped. I was back in high school being asked to decorate for a dance.
Someone believes in me! Actually a bunch of someones believe in me. Perhaps the greatest miracle is that I hear them and am letting it in. I am excited and shaking in my boots.

Last night I was so excited I couldn't sleep for all of the ideas sparking in my brain. I made notes. Tonight I am back to facing my demons of self doubt. I will probably get to face them each and everyday of this 30 day challenge. But, somewhere inside, I know people believe in me and I will persist. Why do I love my life so much?

November Watermelon

Today I am eating the fruit of my watermelon vine. It is November 3. I harvested the last pair of melons just today. Actually I didn't even know that I still had watermelons on the vine until yesterday. I thought I brought in the last one a week ago. Surprise! They were hiding behind the fence and vines. It is a testimony to the hot summer and fall we had and I got my little plant in late. Most people boast of having the first tomatoes, I have the last watermelon and the last tomatoes.

I enjoy taking an active role in providing what I eat. Mostly I now plant only those things that are hard or expensive to get like snow peas, peas and certain winter squash. This year I put in 2 watermelon plants and a couple of tomatoes. One is in the greenhouse attached to the house. I am seeing how long I can get fresh tomatoes. I have more buds than ever right now.

A few days ago I was shelling Lima beans and washing turnips greens. The timing wasn't convenient but they couldn't be put off. I pulled my attention to the task and got into it. I bought them from the farmers market. My local produce farmers had a really hard time this year from the early frost and the hot dry summer. I believe in supporting them, even if turnip greens are not my favorite. It is late in the season and not many customers are showing up anymore. But because of their efforts, I don't need to have a big garden of my own right now.

We are getting the dormant garden ready for winter this year though as I plan to plant gourds again next year for my artwork. I may even plant more garden again.
There is something nourishing about playing in the dirt and growing something myself. A couple of weeks ago I was planting daffodil bulbs. To make the space to plant them I also had to dig up the bulbs that had gotten overcrowded before. I pulled up 5 gallon bucket of bulbs to plant 70 fancier ones. Now I get to replant
the small bulbs in my drive around circle where they will have space to expand and multiply. Finding each bulb was like finding a treasure. LAter that night I was reminded why gardening is such good exercise!


When it is so easy to buy supplies from the store it is not hard to understand the kid who thinks milk comes from cardboard cartons. I have a strange little habit I have cultivated when I shop. When the clerk tells me the total, I respond, "What a deal"! It helps me remember how I would need to be spending my time surviving if all of these products weren't so available.

One of my clients was complaining over the price of propane gas and I said it was easy compared to chopping and stacking wood for 2 weeks to have wood for winter. I know. I did that. And it wasn't so many years ago. Then I was young enough to think of it as an adventure. Now... let's just say I'll happily pay for the heating fuel.

Gratitude is all a matter of perspective. What a deal!

And I have fresh from the vine watermaelon. How cool is that!