Running Tackle Against Myself

The image I have of myself is standing right smack dab in front of where I think I want to go. The confrontation makes my head swim, my heart race and my palms sweat. Even my eyes don't want to focus. Sigh. Big sigh.

It is a show down between me and myself or maybe between a past me and a potential future me. I am sad to say that I often let the old me win. Sigh and huff. It wins when I choose to adjust my eating habits and then emotional cravings show up and I'm off following those. It wins when I think about expanding my business but don't see myself as a marketer or even a people person and so I don't try. It wins when I stay with the known and comfortable instead of trying something new.

To be fair there are arenas in which I do go for it. There are also arenas in which I pretend to go for it but don't really do those things that would make a real difference. I even fool myself into believing that I am going for it but I am not crossing into the territory of real change. In hind sight I have caught myself playing it safe too many times to be comfortable with that choice any longer.

So now I am in the midst of a stare down. I am trying to figure a way out around myself while the enemy is not only listening to my game plan but sabotaging it as well. I suspect I am thinking about this far too much. Oh sigh. Time to pull out my Ho'oponopono cleaning and keep my brain busy saying, "I love you", "Thank you".

In the morning I will get someone to help walk me forward. Hopefully I'll find the giant I see in front of me tonight is nothing more than a puff of smoke.

All I have to do is take one step and then another. I'll be watching the journey and report. Sigh, breathe, sigh, breathe.