Bubbling up, spilling over

My approach to life is so very different these days. Clearly it is not because the waters are calm. They are not. Yesterday dad was admitted to the hospital. Priorities are changing. But what needs doing seems to be bubbling up from within, like do this and this. Both are small enough steps that I am not intimidated. I feel like different doors are opening with more satisfying approaches to the issues I am facing than I had before. And the route often does not follow conventional method, though there is an innate wisdom.

I did get out the old photos. I was reminded of many activities with dad I had forgotten. Sweet memories. Since it looks like it will be a few days before I fly back to see him, I wrote him a letter reminding him of the sweet times. And the times I didn't like but were good for me, and many things for which I am grateful. I asked him for forgiveness for anything I may have done that hurt him. I told him when I was coming and that I would bring pictures and talk with him about them. I still look forward to telling him these things in person but the message has also gone forth now in case he needs it for whatever reason.

Recently I heard an interview with the captain of the sole boat that survived the Tsunami. He directed his crew to turn the boat head first into the wave at full throttle. The ride down the other side was dramatic but there was water under them and the sea was then calm as glass. I don't feel myself to be figuring things out or manipulating towards a specific preferred outcome. I feel like my eyes are wide oped with wonder and the course appears to swell up under me as I turn towards the wave. I feel authentic somehow, not divided. I am no longer chasing around the stage trying to keep a bunch of plates spinning.