Wandering in the Fog Bank?

Awhile back I wrote that I was leaving myself a trail of breadcrumbs to find my way back to the spiritual ah-ha I was experiencing at the time. I hoped I wouldn't need my trail so soon. One of my crumbs has to be my mastermind group who noticed that I haven't been blogging and wondered why. I described myself as wandering in the land of "I don't want to". I don't want to write. I don't really want to see clients, I don't want to be pulled out of my fogbank. I thought it might be grieving but that might make it too easy to act unconscious.

Not wanting to doesn't mean I am not taking action. Quite the contrary. When I look at my week I have cleaned the workroom and refrigerator. I have caught myself doing things to cross them off my list and stopped myself, refocused and did them as if they were the most important thing in my life. I have started eating all by itself for its own sake. I am not eating while driving, not eating while watching TV, not eating while reading. I am eating to savor the food and nourish my body. I have paid off my car loan. I have found a glassworking class I want to take.

So I feel as though I am in a fog but I am accomplishing much. Maybe I am mislabeling what is happening here. Perhaps my thought machine is quieter. I am thinking that I am in a daze rather than noticing I may be more in a natural flow in which efforting has given way to flowing. Maybe calculating and judgement is giving way to intuiting and accepting. If that is the case I am not so lost after all. The rewriting of my life that has taken place recently is simply spilling over into my present life.

Why do I love my life so much?