I don't feel like it.

Sometimes I simply am not in the mood. I don't feel like I want to do whatever is before me. It was hard getting back into the swing of things when I got back home. I kept asking myself "why do I love my life so much"? but it was out of desperation more than curiosity. I was pushing not allowing. Maybe it is like digging where I planted a seed to see if it is doing anything yet.

The good thing is this research project has self reflection built into the process. I ask the question, yes, but then I watch to see how it effects me and others around me. So the process raises me up to the observer level as well as being the participant. Shifting positions like this gives me fluidity and perspective. I don't have a single position to defend and curiosity takes away the self-judgment. Well, it reduces the self-judgment.

I don't want to get into psycholgizing the why's of not feeling like it. I am sure I could point to dozen's of outside influences that effect my "feeling like it". However, some behaviors support me and some don't.
While in Seattle: I did not "sit still and do nothing" for 20 minutes a day.
I ate wheat, sugar and ice cream that I know make me fuzzy headed.
I did not exercise unless moving furniture counts.
I did not take my supplements.

None of these things effect me greatly in the short run. Yes, I have more sinus drainage and my brain feels stuck to my skull. But I can function. At least I think I am functioning well. My sugar blues hit 48 hours later. Then I really don't feel like doing whatever unless I have another hit of sugar and on it goes.

So there you have it. I was dry for a few days. No creativity. No motivation.
Now I am back on my fish oil, my diet is cleaned up, I am sitting still and doing nothing at least 20 minutes a day. Exercise is in place. My motivation has returned, or at least my willingness to do things has returned, the creativity fountain is flowing again.

So, loving my life so much includes choosing to act in my best interest with external things that make a difference.

One more thing. Before I left I signed up for yet another of those 15 days- 100 days programs for changing my wealth. So everyday my mailbox has a great message about how to set goals and take their action steps. When am I going to learn that I keep time best with the beat of a different drummer. That would be my own inner drummer that I need to listen to.