Boo Hoo Hoo
Boo Hoo Hoo, or WAAAAAAH, is my sound of of resisting what is. It is the sound of self pity. I get to play with wearing the happiness hat or not wearing it. I wasn't wearing it yesterday or the eveniing before that.
Things weren't going as I had planned or wanted. I felt overwhelmed and alone. But life happens at the intersection of events. I scheduled a sale of bamboo plants for this weekend. I didn't think through the timing or what was involved. I thought I had help I didn't have on Thursday, nice strong help to dig bamboo plants. I didn't. Watching me try to dig bamboo is truly laughable even though I was feeling sorry for myself.
Picture this. A 9 year old established grove of bamboo, climate zone 5. The cames are .75 - 1.5 inches in diameter. I pick my clump, place my shovel, climb upon the shovel top with all the force I can muster. The shovel goes in 1 inch. I hold onto the shovel with one hand and another bamboo cane with the other and begin rocking side to side to get the shovel down another inch or two. After a dozen wholehearted attempts I have loosened around the edge maybe 5 inches deep. It has been 45 minutes. I go looking for a crow bar to try and pry it up. Yes, and the sale is tomorrow. I have no bamboo dug and not much hope of getting any dug. I tried another clump I thought might be easier. Huh! I can't cancel the sale. The ads are in the papers. My roommate has gone to England for her grandson's graduation. That is when I sat on the ground whining. Besides that, I am too exhausted to get up.
Worse than going through it is watching myself go through it and knowing full well it is my own creation. It was my bright idea and I set the dates and placed the ads. Well, I got to the computer, finished writing the sheet of bamboo facts and care. Made indentifying labels and went to bed. This morning I didn't know if I wanted customers or not. I didn't know what I would do but dreaded no one showing up. I had one couple today. They helped me dig. And then my strong man showed up. Yeah!!
Did you ever see the old cult classic movie "Harold and Maude"? There was a scene where they were driving over a bridge with a tree standing bolt upright in the pick up truck. I remembered it as bamboo but it probably wasn't. 4 clumps went riding down the country road, off to start a new grove. My strong man and I dug Bamboo for the next few hours. I am ready for tomorrow and have a brand new bent, really bent, shovel to show for my efforts. Actually my strong man has that as his trophy.
Would it be so very hard to simply trust that everything will work out from the beginning? I was aware enough to observe my wimpering and whining but not enough to put my happy hat on, except when I saw the gyrations of my trying to dig bamboo.
That would be one for funniest home videos.
Learning to stay present and make conscious choices is great fun as long as I remember I fell down many times while learning to walk. I need only to keep getting up and affirming this is why I love my life so much.
Things weren't going as I had planned or wanted. I felt overwhelmed and alone. But life happens at the intersection of events. I scheduled a sale of bamboo plants for this weekend. I didn't think through the timing or what was involved. I thought I had help I didn't have on Thursday, nice strong help to dig bamboo plants. I didn't. Watching me try to dig bamboo is truly laughable even though I was feeling sorry for myself.
Picture this. A 9 year old established grove of bamboo, climate zone 5. The cames are .75 - 1.5 inches in diameter. I pick my clump, place my shovel, climb upon the shovel top with all the force I can muster. The shovel goes in 1 inch. I hold onto the shovel with one hand and another bamboo cane with the other and begin rocking side to side to get the shovel down another inch or two. After a dozen wholehearted attempts I have loosened around the edge maybe 5 inches deep. It has been 45 minutes. I go looking for a crow bar to try and pry it up. Yes, and the sale is tomorrow. I have no bamboo dug and not much hope of getting any dug. I tried another clump I thought might be easier. Huh! I can't cancel the sale. The ads are in the papers. My roommate has gone to England for her grandson's graduation. That is when I sat on the ground whining. Besides that, I am too exhausted to get up.
Worse than going through it is watching myself go through it and knowing full well it is my own creation. It was my bright idea and I set the dates and placed the ads. Well, I got to the computer, finished writing the sheet of bamboo facts and care. Made indentifying labels and went to bed. This morning I didn't know if I wanted customers or not. I didn't know what I would do but dreaded no one showing up. I had one couple today. They helped me dig. And then my strong man showed up. Yeah!!
Did you ever see the old cult classic movie "Harold and Maude"? There was a scene where they were driving over a bridge with a tree standing bolt upright in the pick up truck. I remembered it as bamboo but it probably wasn't. 4 clumps went riding down the country road, off to start a new grove. My strong man and I dug Bamboo for the next few hours. I am ready for tomorrow and have a brand new bent, really bent, shovel to show for my efforts. Actually my strong man has that as his trophy.
Would it be so very hard to simply trust that everything will work out from the beginning? I was aware enough to observe my wimpering and whining but not enough to put my happy hat on, except when I saw the gyrations of my trying to dig bamboo.
That would be one for funniest home videos.
Learning to stay present and make conscious choices is great fun as long as I remember I fell down many times while learning to walk. I need only to keep getting up and affirming this is why I love my life so much.
posted by Patricia @ 5:44 PM
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