Why do I love my life so much?

No more New Year's resolutions for me! This year I picked a theme question to guide and shape my choices. The theme: Why do I love my life so much? I am not seeking answers but rather planting the question as a seed and nuturing it. The research: How does this theme play out in my life and affect those around me? What vibrational impact do I observe? What are my results? Posts build on one another, so best to start with the first one.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Bend or Break...

We have been having a lot of storms here in Kentucky of late. Tornadoes that leave great century old trees looking like jagged standing toothpicks... the tops twisted out. It is a sight that tugs at my heartstrings to recall. Some of the cedars trunks simply split with half of the tree laying on the ground.

Not all of the trees respond the same way. I also have bamboo. I know it isn't exactly a tree but palm trees have the same quality as bamboo. It is in its nature to bend, to surrender to the winds, even to kiss the ground in prostration. Then it springs back up.

I have been watching the same variety of stance in a chat line I am on. Someone with a contrary point of view starting posting and the usual calm was disrupted. Some members began defending "our" perspective with vehemence. Their force was met with equal or greater opposing force. And the battle grew. Eventually someone suggested simply letting go of our end of the rope. Let the comments stand as a perspective and move on. It was like the trees that broke under the strain of opposition and those like the bamboo who let the criticism blow through and by.

I have been noticing a similar struggle in myself recently. I have been in resistance to life. I was allowing constriction or apparent rejection to break my spirit. The more I tried to fight back with a positive attitude, the more I withdrew. I thought I knew better but I couldn't do better.

Today I noticed that I felt better when I went to work seeing clients. I was looking outside myself by helping someone else instead of pondering my predicament. Then tonight I read about how the palm trees bend in the hurricane force winds, down to the ground if need be, only to rise up again.

The shift really came when I moved from a belief that the world was against me to wondering about how the world might be conspiring on my behalf. As I protected myself against perceived adversity, I was broken of spirit. When I felt myself flex and bend it was like the sap of life started rising again.

So for now I am being Bamboo. Inspired by its nature, I again feel how much I love my life.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

How many plates can you....

How many plates can you keep spinning in the air at once? Remember the variety acts on the Ed Sullivan Show where someone would get a plate spinning on stick and keep it spinning while spinning more and more. I know I date myself. Younger readers probably don't even know who Ed Sullivan was.

I rise this analogy to illustrate why I haven't been blogging much lately. I seem to have the ability to focus on 2 or maybe 3 projects at a time. When I redirect my attention to learning other methods of reaching out on the internet, I am not inspired to log in at my blog. In fact I didn't even know my password to get into write a post. That's sad.

In the past month I have been taping material for my gourd batik DVD's and my "No Sweat Joint Health DVD. I thought they were "in the can", needing only editing. I finally I saw some of the material we decided to re-tape 2 whole segments. The first was because something happened to the sound. The second was because the backdrop and fake plants used to spice up the setting were so tacky I couldn't even watch the video.

I secretly wanted to redo the exercise video as I thought I could do a better job than I had done. I put a lot of effort into rewriting the script and reviewing it over and over. In the end I presented the material differently but I think better.
I didn't rehearse or prepare the gourd material much as I thought I had that down cold. WRONG! That was awful. And taping 2 segments that were so different on the same day might have been a mistake. I couldn't shift gears. I had the exercise material in the front of my brain but we shot the gourd material first. Oh well. The miracles of editing will fix it, I hope.

The process has taught me a lot about myself and my standards. I first confess that I barely look at myself in the mirror. I take pride in being neat and clean. I'm not into primping and make up. So I was totally surprised to note that I have lazy eyelids. Now that I have seen it, I can look at photographs and see it was there as well, but I didn't note it. I just thought they were unflattering photos. So now I have a new goal. To look at the world with my eyes wide open. It is taking effort to keep the eyelids up without bugging my eyes or opening them too far. I can feel the air on my eyeballs when I am consciously practicing. Strange as it may sound, this practice is giving me a new take on the world. I shift my posture to be a bit more upright. The tilt of my head changes slightly. This shift is fun to watch.

I also learned that I have a curious click when I speak. It happens when I swallow and my tongue is at the roof of my mouth just before speaking. If I am conscious to completely finish my swallow before talking, I can avoid the click. A little thing but it does effect the sound quality.

I also learned about quality. I patted myself on my back for choosing to have my DVDs filmed at a TV station instead of by a friend. This felt upscale to me. They had lights, multiple cameras for different angles, sophisticated sound systems and mixing boards. So it was better than a single camera home video shoot. But this community TV station lacks polish. It is bad when crinkle cloth looks wrinkled or when the fake plants are so dead and frayed that I wouldn't even put them into a yard sale. Some of the staff understood my comments and appeared to be resigned to the standard, like no one listens to them. Some say it is a matter of money. These nuances don't take a lot of money but they do demand attention to detail.

Now I know how to be more discerning when I consider my options. I know my standards of presentation. I know to open my eyes wide in various nuances. I am learning why I love my life so much.

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