Passing On Changes
My fiancee and I broke up after my mom died "because I had changed", he said.
From then til recently, death touched my life very little in terms of people dear to me. Dad died 2.5 months ago. I have been watching my changes. A couple of days ago I asked Melanie if/how I changed since then. She said I have become more considerate. I, of course, asked for an example. I guess I used to be more self involved. If she asked me to do something I would respond I didn't have time then, so she stopped asking. Now, I offer to do, and go out of my way to do for her.
I was sad to hear that snippet of information about myself but I can see her point. It is a change I value. Looking at myself I feel more gracious, with people and circumstances than I did in the past. I used to feel thwarted and now it feels like part of the flow of life. I am more patient.
This conversation was prompted by an interaction Melanie had with the phamacist at the grocery store. She dropped by to see him when we were in town. Tim lost his wife, Elaine, 2 years ago to a fast moving cancer. He remarried. He reported changing his entire values with his wife's death. I understood he had been pre-occupied with work and his own projects, leaving little time for his wife. Elanine had told Melanie the happiest times with Tim were recently while they were remodeling their house. Now, Tim says if Elaine were looking down from heaven she would be asking, "Tim, is that you"? Because having lost his wife he realized he lost his life. Now he has become a family man first, a real interacting person. Why does it take death to wake us up to what we have?
Early yesterday morning,my good friend and martial arts instructor died on the scene from a car accident. This is the same friend whose loss I have been mourning for the past month because my martial arts lessons stopped abruptly. Now I will never know what prompted the cessation of lessons and communication. My dad's passing was expected and I had made effort to clean up the energy and communication bectween us. Things with John were still hanging though I have been grieving his loss already for some time. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder.
Martial Arts lessons were a time of learning about my body, how to push it, make it more flexible, agile and flowing. I enjoyed our philosphical discussions as much. We often bantered about theories of the universe, life after death, and what it all means. He was fond of drawing a distinction between stategy and tactics; the big picture as opposed to the means. And he was an example of someone who loved another with his whole being. He never felt complete if he was apart from his love. I, myself, operate from a homebase with lots of freedom. John found freedom in being joined at the hip with someone. That made me look at how I value my relationship as well.
From Tim who regretted not being there with his wife to John who was seldom away from his love, I am learning that the people in my life are more important than the accomplishments. Tim has a do over with a new wife; John is gone. I have choices. May I learn from the examples of others.
How has death changed your life? Are there changes beckoning you that needn't wait til someone close to you dies?
From then til recently, death touched my life very little in terms of people dear to me. Dad died 2.5 months ago. I have been watching my changes. A couple of days ago I asked Melanie if/how I changed since then. She said I have become more considerate. I, of course, asked for an example. I guess I used to be more self involved. If she asked me to do something I would respond I didn't have time then, so she stopped asking. Now, I offer to do, and go out of my way to do for her.
I was sad to hear that snippet of information about myself but I can see her point. It is a change I value. Looking at myself I feel more gracious, with people and circumstances than I did in the past. I used to feel thwarted and now it feels like part of the flow of life. I am more patient.
This conversation was prompted by an interaction Melanie had with the phamacist at the grocery store. She dropped by to see him when we were in town. Tim lost his wife, Elaine, 2 years ago to a fast moving cancer. He remarried. He reported changing his entire values with his wife's death. I understood he had been pre-occupied with work and his own projects, leaving little time for his wife. Elanine had told Melanie the happiest times with Tim were recently while they were remodeling their house. Now, Tim says if Elaine were looking down from heaven she would be asking, "Tim, is that you"? Because having lost his wife he realized he lost his life. Now he has become a family man first, a real interacting person. Why does it take death to wake us up to what we have?
Early yesterday morning,my good friend and martial arts instructor died on the scene from a car accident. This is the same friend whose loss I have been mourning for the past month because my martial arts lessons stopped abruptly. Now I will never know what prompted the cessation of lessons and communication. My dad's passing was expected and I had made effort to clean up the energy and communication bectween us. Things with John were still hanging though I have been grieving his loss already for some time. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder.
Martial Arts lessons were a time of learning about my body, how to push it, make it more flexible, agile and flowing. I enjoyed our philosphical discussions as much. We often bantered about theories of the universe, life after death, and what it all means. He was fond of drawing a distinction between stategy and tactics; the big picture as opposed to the means. And he was an example of someone who loved another with his whole being. He never felt complete if he was apart from his love. I, myself, operate from a homebase with lots of freedom. John found freedom in being joined at the hip with someone. That made me look at how I value my relationship as well.
From Tim who regretted not being there with his wife to John who was seldom away from his love, I am learning that the people in my life are more important than the accomplishments. Tim has a do over with a new wife; John is gone. I have choices. May I learn from the examples of others.
How has death changed your life? Are there changes beckoning you that needn't wait til someone close to you dies?
posted by Patricia @ 8:02 AM
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